Finally

Lately everything has been going good and great. School's getting harder & harder every day but must I say, I will study and try my best to do well. I'm feelin' this motivation. Btw/ there's not much to update. Let's just say life's goooooood.

Once again

I decided to switch back to blogspot because Tumblr isn't much of a private sesh where I can actually blog on what I feel and how I feel. So, i'm back!

Consequences

Lately I’ve been making some of the worst decisions I have ever made. Not because I want to but because I don’t think before I actually do something. And that’s when I eventually put myself in a position that get’s me into trouble. I may have recently made mistakes that I regret but that’s where I learn my lesson by the word consequences. Within everything that’s been going on, I now realize to think twice before doing anything that involves me with trouble. I also had to face other conflicts behind my mistakes such as loosing friends for being misunderstood. I lost them because of the way I’ve been presenting myself as a “bad influence” But all of this is just a big slap in the face to make me understand that my actions do not only affect myself, but also my surroundings. But I do believe that there’s a purpose to everything that I’ve done. And sooner or later I know all of this mess will be cleaned up. Untill then I just keep doing me, as you do you.

The Hangover

Hahah, So you may be looking at this photo as if it's just a movie. But you have no idea. There's a story behind this movie to what happened between me and my amigas! Ahhh, What a day!! Alright so this is what happened.. "Today was pretty damn fun & crazy at the same time. So, school started late today because of some pancake assembly thing so me and the girls decided to skip that and walk to Jack in the box to get some food. What sucked about this was that we didn’t realize it would take 15 minutes to walk there. So as we’re all walking we stop by Lucky’s real quick to get some Arizona drinks, then after that I checked the time and it was already 8:15. School starts at 8:37. So me, Nathalia, Christina, and Alicia were debating on still going to jack or heading back to school. We ended up sticking to the original plan on getting our food from Jack. Of course, we all knew we’d be a couple minutes late, but we weren’t trippen. So, once we were done eating we get ready to leave but as we’re walking back to school Nathalia had to use the bathroom and so did Alicia so they decided to stop by starbucks real quick. But me and Christina were like “Fuck that, we gotta get back to school! we’ll meet you guys at school” so we ask them for the directions and they specifically told us “just go all the way straight and you’ll be directly at school” we took their words and just kept walking straight, and soon enough while me an Christina are walking we realize we didn’t recognize those places from when we were walking to jack in the beginning.. so after 30 minutes passed, we called Alicia to tell her we were lost and couldn’t find the school!! They told us we forgot to make a turn!! WTF. So me and Christina were hella mad but laughing at the same time, but after awhile it got hella late and we seriously got even more lost than we already were. Luckily we just went the opposite way to meet back up with Nathalia and Alicia. Soon enough they told us Fabian, Miguel, and his other friend had swooped them so they were willing to swoop us too. There’s hella more details but this is already long enough. reminds us of the movie ”THE HANGOVER” Ohyeah P.S. There was consequences.. Saturday school for skipping first period, and detention for being on campus so late." -- So if you read my story you'll understand why we call ourselves the characters from "The Hangover" It was an adventerous day for us right? Hahah.

Party Girl

Yeah, that’s me. I like to party, have fun, and enjoy my youth while it last’s. But I don’t see why people think they can control what I want to do? Or start to judge me? If that’s how you feel, then I suggest you dip out of my life or choose to deal with it because I’m sure not gonna change my lifestyle to please you. Don’t get me wrong I know the difference between people watching out for me and people talking behind my back saying “she changed, she’s doesnt care about anything but partying” blah blah. Get it through your head I live the way I want to. So stop judging. And you guys swear I party 24/7 of my life. I rarely ever do, and when I do I get criticized.

From there, to here, to over there.

My minds been all over the place lately. Like, just thinking about the past, my present, and future. I wonder why on an average day something always has to be brought up reflecting mainly my past. Wether it’s somebody mentioning it, passing by a place where I made memories, or if it’s someone/something that comes to mind. Maybe it’s because I still need to think through some things and see if they’re actually held in the ‘past’ or ‘present’? Or maybe I just wish certain things were in the present than in my past.. Ohwell my mind enjoys playing tricks on me. I guess I need to focus on the present, and only the present.

No one understands

Lately I don't know where my head's been at but, I've just been getting so frustrated to the point where I let everyones negative comments get to me. & I hate the fact that, I act like I could careless but deep inside it's just the complete opposite and nobody know's it. I guess i'm used to having no one help me out and me helping everyone out but what the hell? I listen to everybody else's personal problems & no one can take the time to see that something's bothering me for once? Whatever, fuck it. I'll just keep doing what i'm doing, leave everything on low key. Even if that means emotions being held in, and more shit to stress over.

Things change.

Sometimes in life, the most unexpecting things are thrown at you. But you have to understand everything happens for a reason. Either way, whatever you get in the end, is based on how you carried yourself in that situation. So, don't sit around wishing for thing's to go back to how they were because, maybe it was meant to happen. Everything is a lesson learned, so i'll take what happened, and learn from it.

See what happens?

When you speak before thinking, it get's your ass into positions like this. One simple statement got us to where we are now. In my opinion it shouldn't have even been taken this far, but if that's how you want it. I can't make you admit your wrongs. You're suppose to already know when to fix a situation but you chose it the hard way. Now look at us, ignoring eachother like we don't even know who we are. But to be honest, I don't even give a fuck anymore if you say sorry at this point cause I know you wouldn't mean it anyways. So fuckit. Let me know wsup when you finally realize whatta dumbass you're making yourself look like.

Don't give up

Even though you've been hurt with your past relationships/ex-factors, it doesn't mean your next one will hurt you as well. So, I don't see why boys/girls suddenly loose interest in being faithful because of a past experience? Best answer I came up with was because they're scared that they're gonna get hurt all over again. But, I honestly don't think you should giveup because of one person. That one person may have had a huge impact on you, but why let it reflect your next? It's not their fault what happened to you. All i'm saying is you shouldn't give up on trying to love somebody new, because of your past. And I understand it's hard to start all over again, but if you think about it you're hurting those just as bad as you got hurt. So, give it one more try. Chances are your next may be exactly what you need to heal. But, in the end it's on you, if you want to give love another chance.

Your thoughts

When I hear peoples negative thoughts about me, I act as if I don't care. But if you really knew me, you'd know I take it to heart and try my best to work on it. Although, you may not see me making changes at a fast pase is because, I don't want people to assume I'm suddenly changing for them. I'm changing because I WANT TO, and If someone points it out before I realize it then I'll eventually know what to work on. But, statements like: "You're not cute enough to date him" "Her body aint coca cola shaped" Those typa statements do bring me down but they're not what I focus on. I take the "She has an attitude problem" to heart. So that's when I know I needa check myself. But, if you don't wanna accept my flaws, It is what it is. My mom always told me, not everyone was gonna love me.

Truth

My emotions are starting to finally catch up on me. To an extent where all I can do is let my tears flow down my face. And I ask myself, What's the point in discussing my problems with someone? When all I would feel like, I was doing is complaining. So, I learn the hard way and stick to dealing with my problems by myself. But, I guess my stubborness made me realize sometimes yourself can't handle all the pain and hurt that you've been building up for so long. At this very moment I don't know how I'm gonna begin to handle myself, but what I do know is that I'll get through this. I always manage to, so what's gonna stop me now.

Just a thought

I don't see why people would live their lives keeping feelings bottled up? though I'm being hypocritical.. Because, I tend to do it too. Like never getting the chance to tell someone how you feel. I guess it's the rejection or reply that chickens people out. We all have this second thought that appears to our brain about "What if's" So, eventually our feelings never get known. I'm just trying to say weather whatever the response is to what you told someone shouldn't even matter. Because by the end of the day, you said what you had to say. You can't say you didn't try, right? So, speak up. You never know your out come.

Accepting it

At this moment I have no idea if it’s for a good or bad cause, but I guess it’s true when people say you realize who your real friends are in highschool. It doesn’t bug me much that it happened cause I was prepared for the worst but I can’t argue I didn’t expect it to happen so quick. We’re like complete strangers, I feel better when we don’t talk that when we do. Everything just feels different. But, I’m not gonna be the one to sit around and cry about it because I tried and that’s all that matters to me. I did my part, and you failed at yours. But, it is what it s. People will dip in and out of your life but ya gotta keep doing you, and move on.

Advice

Which do you follow? The mind or the heart? Don’t force your heart if it has feelings for someone, but don’t forget to control your heart with your brain, they are the greatest enemies. Do you ever feel it when you are getting hurt by someone, but you still wanna be with them? thats what your heart is telling you, if you feel the way that makes you think ‘hey I deserve better, why would I wanna be with someone that hurts me” then thats your brain. So you have two choices, either to follow your heart or follow your brain. We have this human nature to follow our heart even if we get hurt. Our heart has a mind of its own.

Call me dumb, but this is how I feel.

I don’t ever want you to think that I see you as this boy who doesn’t care about girls feelings, cause if that’s how I felt, then why would I have taken a chance with you? I did because I saw behind your “player ways” I saw somebody who actually cared, and I knew you did because the way you’d make me feel, and how you’d say you loved me. Truth is, the people who would lable you, will never see what I saw in you. They didn’t even take the time to get to know you, so they’d just follow the crowds judgements. It’s obvious that they don’t know who YOU really are. & I feel like there never was an “us” because you weren’t ready for commitment. But, just because you weren’t ready for commitment doesn’t mean you didn’t care about me. I knew you did.. But, that’s how i see it. I guess this is why I have such a soft spot for you. Everything makes so much sense to me now.. Only I understand, That's all that matters.

Upcoming

I haven't updated this thing in awhile, but break has been fun, and lifes been bittersweet! School starts soon, and to be honest i'm glad it is, being home bored sucks plus i miss everyone, especially my bestfriend gabriel! I haven't seen that boy since break started. Long time, I know.. well, i'm gonna go take a nap!